Have Kids in Elementary School? 5 Things I Wish I Had Done Differently as a Mom

It’s back-to-school season.

This year, my older child has graduated from college and started her first job, while my younger one is heading off to college.

And I can’t help thinking about those years when they were still in elementary school—when they were little and relied on me for so much.

My heart feels tender when I think about those days.

At the time, life was busy. There were difficult moments, stressful mornings, sibling arguments, homework, activities, and all the responsibilities that came with being a working mom.

But now that those years are gone, I miss them.

Looking back, there are things I wish I had understood then that I understand now.

If you have young children at home, perhaps some of these lessons from my parenting journey will speak to you.

1. Let My Children Make Mistakes

My heart still aches when I remember watching my five-year-old daughter coloring a picture.

As she colored, I anxiously watched her and corrected her whenever she went outside the lines.

It seems like such a small thing now. But looking back, I wish I had simply let her color.

Outside the lines. Inside the lines. Purple trees. Green cats. Whatever she wanted.

I was a perfectionist myself, and without realizing it, I was passing some of that perfectionism on to my daughter.

Children need room to make mistakes. They need freedom to experiment, create, fail, and try again.

Sometimes coloring outside the lines is exactly what a child needs to do.

2. Spend More Time Playing With My Children

I still keep a handwritten note from my daughter when she was about seven years old.

She wrote:

“Dear Dad, I asked Mom to play with me, but she wanted to read instead.”

That little note still gets me.

At the time, I probably thought, I just want a little time for myself. We can play later.

But there are only so many years when your child will come to you and say, “Mom, play with me.”

One day, without you even noticing when it happened, they stop asking.

Of course, parents need time for themselves too. But if I could go back, I would put down my book a little more often.

I would play.

Because childhood is much shorter than it feels when you are living through it.

3. Comfort My Child When She Is Upset

I remember one playdate when my daughter became very upset about something and started crying hard.

Her friend’s mom suggested that I go comfort her.

I said, “I’ll let her be. The more I comfort her, the more upset she gets.”

At the time, I thought giving her space was the right thing to do.

Looking back, I wish I had known more about how to help a child through big emotions.

Comforting a child doesn’t necessarily mean fixing the problem or making the crying stop. Sometimes it simply means sitting beside her, listening, giving her a hug, and letting her know:

I’m here.

Your feelings are okay.

You don’t have to handle them alone.

I wish I had understood that better when my children were young.

4. Teach My Children How to Handle Disagreements

My two children are four years apart. Overall, they got along very well growing up, but like all siblings, they argued from time to time.

Often, those arguments happened around the dinner table.

When things became heated, I tended to walk away and let my husband handle the situation. I didn’t like conflict, and leaving felt easier than getting involved.

Now I realize that those moments could have been opportunities.

I could have helped them learn how to disagree respectfully, listen to each other, express what they were feeling, apologize when necessary, and find a way forward.

Children will face disagreements throughout their lives—with siblings, friends, classmates, coworkers, spouses, and eventually perhaps their own children.

Avoiding conflict doesn't teach them how to handle it.

Learning to work through disagreement does.

5. Talk to My Children With Respect

I grew up in a traditional Asian family where the relationship between parents and children was very clear: parents were the authority, and children were expected to listen.

Even when children grew older, parents often continued to see them as little kids.

Without realizing it, I carried some of that thinking into my own parenting.

If I could go back, I would listen more.

I would ask more questions.

I would respect my children’s opinions, even when they were different from mine.

I would give them more opportunities to make their own decisions—and sometimes their own mistakes.

Children may be young, but they are still individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, personalities, and dreams.

Respecting them doesn't mean giving up our responsibility as parents. It means helping them gradually become confident enough to live their own lives.

If I Could Go Back...

My children are grown now.

One has graduated from college and started her career. The other is beginning his college journey.

Somehow, those little children who once needed me for almost everything became independent young adults.

I am grateful that they have grown into kind and strong people, despite the many things I wish I had done differently as a mother.

Perhaps that is part of parenting too.

We love our children with what we know at the time. We make mistakes. We learn. And sometimes, years later, we finally understand what we wish we had understood then.

If I am fortunate enough to become a grandmother someday, perhaps I will get another chance to sit on the floor and color with a five-year-old.

And this time, if the crayon goes outside the lines, I think I’ll just smile.

Maybe I’ll color outside the lines too.