The Book That Changed My Life – The 5 Love Languages

There’s one book that gave me deep insight into human relationships and, honestly, changed my life. It’s called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I first read it in my mid-thirties—and to be a little dramatic—it might have saved my marriage.

Most of us naturally gravitate toward one or two of the five love languages described in the book. The idea is simple but powerful: people feel loved when they’re shown love in a way that speaks their language. If you’re not speaking that language, your love might not land—no matter how genuine your efforts.

The five love languages are:
Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Gifts, and Physical Touch.

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Words of Affirmation
Some people feel seen, valued, and loved when they hear encouraging words, praise, or positive feedback. That turned out to be my number one love language—and it explained a lot.

Suddenly, I understood why I often felt hurt by the two people who loved me most: my husband and my mom. They rarely said anything positive, no matter how well I did. Instead, they often made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. It stung.

But knowing this helped me accept them—and myself—with more grace. I stopped expecting to receive love in the way I wanted. I knew they loved me; they just didn’t speak my love language.

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Acts of Service
This is all about doing things for others—helping out, cooking, running errands, taking care of the little things.

While they rarely praised me, my husband Alan and my mom showed their love loud and clear through acts of service. If I needed something, they’d be there—sometimes even before I asked. That’s their love language, and it’s how they show they care.

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Quality Time
Some people feel closest to you when you spend time together, distraction-free. That’s Alan’s top love language.

I didn’t get it at first. I used to work late, thinking I was being productive and responsible. But he felt ignored and unimportant. Once I understood this, I started making more space in my schedule—for us.

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Gifts
This might be the most obvious or “universal” love language, but it’s not necessarily the most meaningful for everyone.

I used to buy gifts for Alan, but he never really used or appreciated them. It turns out, gifts aren’t his love language—and they’re not mine either.

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Physical Touch
This one surprised me the most. For those who speak this love language, hugs, cuddles, kisses, and even just a reassuring hand on the shoulder mean the world.

It turns out physical touch is Alan’s love language—and it’s my least favorite. But once I knew how important it was to him, I made a conscious effort to show affection more often. That small shift brought us closer.

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I first read The 5 Love Languages when my kids were young. The original book focuses on romantic relationships. A decade later, I read the version for parents of teenagers. The core message is the same, but it offers helpful guidance for navigating parenting, too.

I truly believe everyone should read this book. Because love isn’t just a feeling—it’s something we do.